Will we make it?

It's hard sometimes judging how she is going to react. But I know that I am getting tired of all the crap that seems to be popping up.

She complains about how difficult her life is, and all the problems that she has, but I just don't see those problems, and I notice that others don't see them either. She fabricates her problems and the blames others for them. I know that she blames me for things that I've never done.

The largest example was about the difficulty of her pregnancy. She had a rough time with having to be stuck home with my grandmother. It was a mistake I made in thinking they would help eachother...at least be civil with each other, I was blind and naive back then. But that was two years ago, and last November she started in yet again about how I betrayed her.

It was during this arguement that I finally caught onto what she was talking about. That during that conversation she had come across to me that I had to choose between her and my family. When I told her I refused to make that choice she had said "So you want your cake and eat it too." Then during this part of the arguement I said that I didn't care about something...I don't know two years kind of blurrs the details a bit. But I vividly remember thinking that we were still talking about my family and the choice I thought she was giving me (her or them).

But apparently somewhere in this arguement the conversation turned from that to how I felt about her...and my "I don't care," comment referred to how I felt about her. When I outted her about how this happened she blew me off like usual, as she can't stand to be proven wrong.

But now this whole thing about her depression seems like somekind of sick excuse to remain miserable. I don't get it...

Let if be known to anyone who ever reads this, that "If I didn't care...or when I no longer do care...about her I will move on cutting my losses." If I didn't care I would not have tried to keep us together, which has been rough going for this whole marriage.

When I asked her to marry me it felt right. I had thought about it carefully and I knew that we would have our rough times. But what irks me is that she said the I didn't reveal myself, my true self, to her... What the fuck does that mean.

If that was a point of arguement then she didn't reveal to me that she was lazy and self-centered 90% of her waking hours. I have also found her to be very hypicritacal, almost to the point of a fault.

She will speak so badly about certain people (namely country-folk types) and about bigots and racists, then in the very next breath say something exactly as they would say it. I think that is that hardest thing I deal with, is hearing her speak like that. I know that I will do all in my power to make sure our daughter won't think of people as cruelly has my wife does.

There are so manytimes I just want to point it out to her, but I don't because those are usually the few moments of peace we have and I don't want to ruin it, as I know that by the next day she will be ranting about how everyone, especially me is out to destroy her and make her miserable.

And its at those points I just want to scream at her that nobody cares enough to cause her that much woe... and sadly that I am starting to not care enough to try and help her through it.

I pray that I can hold out long enough and see that this is only a stage in her life and not something permanent. Even now I am so close to just moving on.